waiting to live

My loneliness has become so vast

And I am less than dust in its midst,

My heart melts into the night sky

And drifts among the dancing stars–

Eternally youthful, vibrant, endless, yet

Impossibly far away, unreachable,

Untouchable.

And I am nothing to them.

When hope is too painful to hold,

When its thorns pierce my hands through

I let it go, time and time again

And suffering carves me further still.

And that blade of suffering,

Inseparable from hope, and love,

Makes this cavernous heart unbearable.

And yet,

In that gnawing space, one day

even greater joy, 

and one day, perhaps,

A love greater than I could imagine

Will fill me once again,

And that is all it takes to make this worth it.

I believe this, and only this.

Time has sanded down everything else.

This is my sincerest hope,

And I have yet to let go of it.

So I tied it up gently

With a discarded piece of red yarn,

And I follow it still, foolishly,

Knowing it will lead me astray.