waiting to live

Someone like me

I don’t get to choose.

I made this bed some time ago.

What’s left to do,

But love and lose,

But bear this crushing heart

Of mine.

This is who I am.

I can’t ignore the way I feel,

Even if I know you don’t.

Even if I can’t explain it.

I land again at ORD,

And nothing but loneliness

Is waiting at the gates for me,

To welcome me into its arms

The way I wished you would.

I brought this on myself,

I knew what would come of this.

I lost my will to hide

And starve these gentle feelings.

This pain is all I know

So I cannot turn away.

I only hope you make it quick

And I’ll disappear again.

This cycle is what I’m used to,

My fear of losing you,

The exhaustion of pretending

I don’t feel in love long enough

To go numb again.

I hardly know you,

Perhaps I’m not even worth

The gum under your shoe.

Yet your smile

Was worth it all.

Was worth

Every ounce of pain I suffered.