I admit I have been an extremely harsh critic of myself. In fact, if I didn’t have my writing to hold me accountable I would kick myself down and keep myself down as I had for so many years. What all of that distilled down to is this:
If I’ve learned anything in this life, it’s that a person should judge themselves not by the quantity of goodness they offer the world, but by the quality. In this sense, I could not be any prouder of who I am.
I am constantly on fire. I push myself harder than anyone ever could to learn, understand, grow, and chase every pursuit of mine with all the energy I have. But my fulfillment is not tied to achievement! I think achievement became easier and more sustainable once I saw that my fulfillment is always within reach. If I can center myself in the kindness and understanding I offer to the world, give thanks each day, and appreciate everyone as they are rather than as I’d like them to be, then I’ll always feel as full as I do now.
For many years achievement was a coping mechanism for me. I told myself I could leave my past behind by grinding, acing all my classes, moving across the country to build rockets and saving the world with my writing. Surely that would make it all worth it!
You know what they say though… My plans imploded. God laughed at me for a very, very long time and as stubborn as I am it was years before I decided to laugh along. Being motivated is an admirable thing, but finding healing, finding foundation in your life is the source of true motivational stamina. I had to crash and burn countless times to see that. Maybe you don’t have to!
Leave a Reply